first, michael jackson didn't become odd and eccentric. michael jackson always was odd and eccentric. i've watched interviews with him when he was young and abc-ing it up and older and in his red leather signature and in each interview, he was awkward and sensitive and seemingly misplaced in the world. in each interview he talked about having a different pet (boa constrictor, peacock, monkey), in each interview he struggled to answer questions about true friends, (diana ross is a close friend i think? we tell each other everything), in each interview he talks about a normal life as an unfamiliar concept. questions about favourite foods and activities and what he does to unwind stump him completely. he seems to be holding those questions in his mind as someone would a foreign but wonderful notion.
the second thing i've realized about michael jackson is that the 90's were a horrible time for him. still performing, still on tour, still churning out music like only a musical madman could the downward trajectory had begun and i'm sure he never quite understood why. why did everyone love him in the 80's? accept him? celebrate him? then turn on him? expect him to act differently than we've always known him to act? it must have been so hard for him to understand. he must have taken it very personally.
and the songs kept coming.
i watched a fairly recent interview with barbara walters and i could not believe how michael jackson knew better than anyone how michael jackson was viewed. this was a tortured, sad, very much alone man. barbara asked him at one point how he plans to keep his children from the wacko jacko insults when they must inevitably join the world for school and so forth, to which michael replied with a hollow chuckle 'now that's the problem. and i invite you to help me come up with a solution'.
how tragic and knowing.
i think he did have true connections in his life but whether or not he recognized them as such i'm not sure. lisa marie presley was one of those and if you're interested she has a really great letter on the matter on her my space page. elizabeth taylor, eddie murphy, even the late princess diana i know were all friends in high places and i know they saw in him what those who love him do, but how much were these people actually a part of his life. his day to day. did he have a day to day?
michael said that when his son was born the only way he could stop him from crying was to sit him on the floor and dance for him. he'd dance for him for hours. he danced for all of us.
he was our performer. and because he was ours we owed him something back.
did we give it to him? did we accept his gift with thanks? or did we take and raise the bar of our expectations?
people always say that michael jackson was born to perform. that on stage, he was home. i wonder if that's true because there, no one asked him questions he couldn't answer. because there, he could express himself fully within the comfortable confines of his creativity.
his life was his performance and especially in his later years when scandal became more press-worthy than music he allowed that to be. the line between reality and the act blurred but i would argue it never was there to begin with. michael never left the stage. nobody let him.
so there's all this stuff to swallow and all the other things we know are true and sad of his childhood and adult life and you think HOW, how did this person even make it to 50?
and the answer to that is he believed in a good and decent world populated by good and decent people and despite a life full of proof to the contrary, michael jackson kept going because he desired love and believed it was in store for him.
just around the next corner.
i realized yesterday after three days of moping around that we should be thinking now of what michael jackson would want and that it certainly wouldn't involve walking around feeling sorry for ourselves.
michael jackson's message was always a simple one, perhaps overly so, of love and hope and brotherhood and i for one plan to honor him not by scrutinizing his life and the hardships he endured and how his face changed from year to year, but by dancing my heart out every time his songs come on and i invite you to join me in the mission.
turn up the music! slap on your dancing loafers! feel that funky fever!
michael made music to enjoy and so enjoy it! it's a gift unlike any other and thankfully we get to keep it though he's gone! it's what we do with it now that's important and i say we crank it up and moonwalk down the streets!
celebrate life cause it's good and present and we have so much to share with each other! accept people for who they are! without judgement or expectation!
love your friends and your family and tell them often! fill the world with messages of love!
wear a sparkly glove and be proud!
sing 'we are the world' with your friends and 'man in the mirror' in the shower!
it is, truly, what michael jackson would have wanted.
i just assumed it would be at his concert. right before i passed out and had to be body surfed over peoples heads to security.
this is less fun than that would have been.
and i don't get a t-shirt.
how wonderful. . .
maybe we'll do it often as a public event and charge 5 bucks and give the money to charity so it's like sharing michael jackson with the world and helping the needy!
tell stephie i miss her? does your breeze blow up that far? if jeremy and i pack light can you sweep us on up for the weekend?
oh great let me pack my bags.
the last time i was in paris i ate quiche and baguette sandwiches every day because they were 2 euros and i could save my money for buying eiffel tower key chains that light up.
you know, things that really matter.
happy weekend! to you and you and you and you.
i like how our place is a little bit estate and a little bit boarding school. lights out at 10! no boys after dark! jeremy's still not quite used to hiding in the closet for nightly room checks.
when you lay on your back on the lawn in our place you see trees on all sides with sky in the middle like the trees are a frame and the sky is a picture that's always moving.
and on sunday the picture moves slowly cause you will it so and if it starts to speed up you offer it some lemonade and that mostly always does the trick.
pictured above, me after one hour of lessons.
here it is! ol birthday meal reliable! the tacos now have those flat parts on the bottom so they stand up instead of fall over spilling out the contents but other than that nothing has changed about how you make them or stuff the parts in there. jeremy called me 'general taco' when he was making them cause i was like NO NO NO YOU'RE BROWNING THE MEAT ALL WRONG!
general taco doesn't mean to be rude though, she's just had years and years of experience.
my mom made this for me for my birthday. she MADE this. to someone whose own creation of a house made out of popsicle sticks and sea shells is amazing, this is almost unbelievable. she even has a little sticker on the bottom with her company name and address. oh yeah, my mom makes stuff.
i picture a cottage ledge home for this fellow in the future. for now i'll look at it and wonder how come genetics don't pass along things like glass cutting and welding arts.
jeremy got me gifts in the morning and gifts in the evening and i love that cause then it feels like your birthday is all day long. which it is. but you know what i mean.
everytime we talk about trees (which happens surprisingly often), we talk about how it would be so nice to be able to identify trees and be like 'oh yes that's a wellington sugar maple' or whatever so this gift of three guide books was very awesome and thoughtful and up next i will show you a photo of an owl from the bird book that will knock your socks off.
tonight we're going to go out and identify one of the tree's in our backyard/estate grounds.
HA! look at the guy in the bottom right corner. do you think he even has eyelids? he looks like he hasn't blinked since 1980. which is the year of my birth so his eyes must be some dry!
you know what was the best birthday voicemail message? grandmas. she said all sorts of lovely grandma stuff that makes you feel 8 again but the best part was when she said 'you just have your whole life ahead of you'
and i really and truly believe it.
hello! i'm here! i'm great and happy! and one year older!
i'll do some mini posts next about the individual topics i wish to address but this is a 'hello' and a 'i miss you' to you and you and you.
the new job is still great and still new and still consuming of all my time and thoughts and by the time i get home at night i have enough energy to fall into jeremy's arms and lift a beer up to my lips which is really all the energy one should require at the end of a hard days work.
a hard days work. . .
i feel like i've never used those words before and meant them in a proud to be workin' hard kinda way.
is everyone happy? wondering why they're in sweaters in june? excited it's almost the weekend?
oh yeah me too. see we're all connected in thoughts anyways. my friend natasha calls it 'mind mail' which is like email but mental and you never have to worry about addressing a mind mail to the wrong person if you just think really, really hard.
i'm sending you one now.
and tomorrow i'll wake up and it will still be true.
darn bedroom alarm clock wrong time!
you know what it's like to leave the people you like in a bad job? kind of like you're being let out of the army at the end of a war only some of the people have to stay back and continue to fight and you get to go home and eat ice cream.
it's sad to leave these people! my comrades in battle!
i'm so excited to start my new job and i know in my mooshy pea soup heart that it's the right time and move for me.
i will look back fondly on this war we fought together. and hope for peace to find them soon.
i had my last follow up new eyeball appointment this morning and found out i have better than perfect vision!
meaning i can now see through clothes/rocks/walls/heavy forest!
i’m going to start a side business where people can hire me for my super vision but i won’t charge people because i don’t think super powers should be used to make profits.
or i will charge people but only enough to buy myself a sandwich.
soon it will meet our parents!
the rainy day room! as named by jeremy. but you can go in on any kind of day. grab some pillows from the corner! make a fort! read a book! eat some cheetos! clean up when you leave!
one of the five trillion things i love about jeremy is that when i ask 'may i please have this frog fairy lamp' he says 'yes ok sure'. HOW CUTE?! i said it reminded me of the two of us and he gave me a funny look but i know he sees it too.
i love our pointy footwear and jeremy's red pants.
jeremy's new kitchen! it's so big and bright and clean! i can see the future in here and it looks very tasty!
something very exciting will be happening with this space. STAY TUNED! oh it's so neat to have a place with space you can ponder upon. it might be the best thing about a brand new place; what will go here and what will go there and where should my popsicle stick house live!
first mail in the new place! i love the horse stamps on the parcel. HORSES HORSES HORSES. i sense a new blog theme.
lily i opened this up; there's no pony inside.
a house isn't a home without a jeremy reading on the couch.
look how much light! i feel like we have a new roomate in sunlight and sunlight is more than welcome! so long as he pulls his weight with the cleaning chores.
i love this table and in the last apartment it lived in storage. or, depending how you look at it, was hibernating for the winter.
sometimes we sit at opposite ends and yell PASS THE BUTTER!
by far the most perfect place for my desk. since jeremy bought me this for me for my birthday last year we (me and desk) have been forever in pursuit of a perfect desk nook and this be it.
come on over and write a note! eat some cheetos! get out of the seat when i want to sit there!
view from the dining room window.
view from the kitchen window.
view from the bedroom window.
some people buy bags of rocks from ikea for six dollars. other people collect bags of rocks while camping and store the rocks in a bag in the closet for a year and then pull them out to put them on a new candle tray and look proudly at them remembering how much fun they had collecting them together.
those people are weird. and so happy in their new home.