july

holy doodle, it's been awhile.

well first there was wales, and then there was looking at wales photos at every available time slot to remember wales and then there was a quick succession of very engrossing novels, followed, preceded and surrounded by a heat wave and trying to stay cool with diy methods such as making a pool out of the bathtub and negotiating both of ourselves in there comfortably. fine tuning who still has dry  hands to reach the books.

my water is balanced on a stack of very interesting kids books i got out of the library and heard about it in some pamphlet celebrating toronto library's 100 years of fine children's literature. the chinese version of little red riding hood is heartbreaking and i've gone back through it twice to determine what the wolf's crime was, apart from just wanting to come inside.

jeremy has gone to work which seems sacrilegious on a sunday. even though i'm an atheist, i still believe some things are sacred like taking a day off and jeff buckley's version of hallelujah. i love that song. it reminds me of christmas and the sadness of longing.

i'm going to make a chocolate cake in the shape of a mountain. i'll dust the peaks with icing sugar, mold tiny climbers out of marzipan and lower them down the face of the mountain with black licorice ropes. it's a good thing ropes aren't made of licorice in real life. or maybe it would be better? 'instead of descending from the summit of chocolate mountain, the climber decided to stay put, but not first without feasting on all 100 yards of the well braided, black licorice rope.'

we went to a party last night. a summer party in the backyard of a coworker, there was music and patio lights and clusters of people drinking and laughing and melting into the very middle of the hot season. i always feel funny at parties, not terribly at ease, like i'm not sure who to talk to and for how long and what to do with my arms so i look both relaxed and engaging. it's a nice thing, about your thirties, you get to know these truths about yourself like i prefer to be alone or in the company of a small group of friends.

or here with you, sharing my wares, where the honesty comes easiest when there's no one to expect it.