the secret life of me

does anyone want to know what i do when i'm all alone? or are you like 'dances to michael jackson and dresses up in weird costumes', which would be truuue but that's not the half of it.

first i go through a stage of missing jeremy like those girls with their forget-me-nots then something distracts me and shortly after something distracts me from that and i'm like ohhhh yeah. i can stop and start however many things i want cause it's just me!

and then the good times begin.

i paint my toes i make myself coffee in the french press i drink the whole pot. i put on my headphones and sing along to musicals dixie chicks and sarah harmer. i dance to michael jackson. i water the plants and inspect them for growth. i listen to steph's cds i organize closets i write long lists of things to do in my journal. i look at old lists to see if anything can be checked off.

i open and close the drapes, turn off and on different lights and play with the volume on the tv or stereo until i think it's the perfect feel. i watch sex and the city the paris episodes and cry during both. sometimes i watch them again right after with commentary.

i look at our pictures of costa rica.

i text message my friends i do ballet or i don't do ballet but wear the outfit anyways. i take hours to finish a blog post i pretend stuff i think about making a robot out of the cereal box.

i make myself fancy salads and dressings from scratch then eat a peanut butter sandwich instead. i stare out the window i have a little nap i do a million different leg stretches. i go for walks to take up close pictures of flowers and feed the squirrels our stale bread. i go to the store and buy a fresh loaf.

i stare at my dress in the spare room closet.

i clean the floors i do the laundry i tidy jeremy's underpants drawer. i watch every movie you would guess i would watch. i pause them as often as you'd think too.

et cetera! et cetera! et cetera! like the king of siam says. this list could go on but you have things to do! skies to stare up at! people to see!

when i was little i loved to strap pillows around my waist, tie a sheet over top and pretend i was one of those ladies with the hoop skirts in the olden days. i wouldn't say i've grown too far from that place.

just the costumes might have changed.