i just can't stop loving you

i think the hardest part of losing someone you love is that the world just keeps on turning.

people on the bus talk about work. people on the radio make tasteless jokes. someone on the sidewalk stops to get a hot dog. someone yells at their kid.

and i want to say stop. stop and process this tremendous loss because what we've lost is gone forever.

(unless jared is right and this is all an elaborate hoax and he's gone to live in fiji).

OH MAN. what will we do without michael jackson? what will i do?

one time i told steph about this poster i had as a kid that was kermit the frog dressed up as bad era michael jackson with the buckles and the leather coat and the curly short long hair and she laughed so hard and said it was her new favourite thing about me.

i love that michael jackson is a part of my identity.

i love that i found out yesterday not through the news, but through a barrage of emails and phone calls and text messages from people who had heard and thought first of me.

it's seriously the biggest compliment and comfort.

i woke up in the middle of the night and cried and jeremy hugged me. it just woke me up. the sadness of it just woke me up.

i feel a weight on my chest and an ache in my heart. i want to read all the news and i don't want to read any of it. i want to listen to his music then i want to turn it off.

i want it not to be true.

i love you, michael jackson. thank you is never enough.