my beer's thoughts on labour day weekend
"i don't really care that's it the last long weekend of the summer because people like me even when it isn't a long weekend. i pretty much feel equally loved all the times of the year. christmas might be the most entertaining however on account of all the drunk relatives in santa hats."
how to: make a baby burrito
step one: unfold a large burrito wrap (blanket)step two: fill with ingredients (baby)
step three: fold wrap around ingredients
step four: walk around with the baby burrito being sure to support its baby burrito head
neigh
i wonder if this girl ever thinks to herself "i feel so uncomfortably different being blue and part horse". also i wonder if she needs to wear sunscreen at all in the summer or if she tans a lovely shade of indigo.
you heard it here first
the coolest new moms are using their baby holding pillows for something much more fashionable,
giant shoulder pads.
in memory of
today i say goodbye to a friend, a confidant, a protector of my eyeballs from the suns damaging rays. goodbye dear sunglasses!
just because you completely fell apart for no reason when i attempted to clean your lenses this morning, you've still lasted nearly 3 years which is nothing to shake a stick at considering you only cost me 5 dollars.
rest in peace friend, i hope you're protecting someone's retinas from harmful SUV rays up in heaven.
please, no autographs.
finally i'm getting some media recognition for all of these long hours i've been putting into my classic ballet training.the most boring food in the world
a bagel with nothing on it.
i bet it has nothing to contribute at social functions.
nature vs fence
there's a spot on my way to work where weeds and metal have been duking it out for the whole of summer.
nature will almost run away with a win when the mower people (who must be working for supporters of fence) come and weed whack nature down so there's always a week or three where nature has to grow back and i bet fence is just really relentless with the taunting during that time.
i know you can do it nature! don't give up! chain link fence is stupid and has no feelings and you are way prettier and you smell nice for the most part!
today's special
apparently, it's good for your dishwasher to run tang through it once a month. internet research tells me that's because it helps remove built up gunk but i think it's because tang is a dishwasher's juice of preference and probably it gets sick of always only eating leftovers.
how to: start your own very small card company
step one: fold and cut square paper down to small card sizes.
step two: design your cards. depending on the number of cards you wish to create you may want to consider hiring an assistant designer. make sure to tell your new employee the work will mainly be 'pro bono'.
step three: decide if you want your company to be for profit (sell them door to door) or not for profit (give them away to friends five at a time cause that's how many fit into a standard size envelope).
achievements
jeremy just went for a 12 kilometre run!GO JEREMY GO!
i stayed here, worked on a craft and ate some cheese and crackers!
GO ME GO!
and the award for longest post on my blog goes to. . .
i would like to thank jeremy and michael jackson and sunday mornings for this award.
live in bucharest: the dangerous tour dvd
is there a better way to spend a saturday night if you’re jennifer leanne robeson?
i will say this however before i move on to the good stuff because to me it was so evident throughout. this is not michael in his prime, this is pseudo sad michael slipping into the michael that loses me. and that’s not to say if any era michael came to my door i would not be like DO YOU WANT TO MOVE IN? but there’s a line that he moves past where i don’t go with him. and it’s terribly sad because what i see is a man of genius being so completely affected by untrue accusations and an entire life which can only really be described as. . .surreal.
i don’t think human beings are designed to be able to cope with a life like the one he’s had and when he stops moonwalking for like a second in this concert (which happens maybe twice, that fellow just throws his WHOLE self into a performance), but when he does stop to catch his breath you can see the weight of what that must be.
all of those very deep thoughts aside, this is still a remarkable look at what it is to be mj (insane), what it is to be an mj fan (you love him), and how truly lucky we are to have this talent (on planet earth because i think someone made a boo boo landing him here).
things i loved about this concert movie
- there are one bajillion people in attendance. 95% of them are on their feet and the other 5% are in the process of passing out. everyone’s crying, everyone’s screaming, everyone is without question having the best day of their lives. ahhh my brothers and sisters!
- the 'love you save/i want you back/i’ll be there' set. recent mj doing really early mj = yes please! i will have two generous helpings.
- BEAT IT!
-watching this with the new headphones on. HELLO I'M AT A MICHAEL JACKSON CONCERT IN MY LIVING ROOM! yes i made a sign.
- black lights, neon zombies and michael in a werewolf mask.
-the part where the girl from the audience goes on stage to meet/hug michael. watch her transform from seemingly normal human being to manic psycho fan within just a few bars of ‘she’s out of my life’.
- the magic tricks. tricks, plural. there’s more than one.
-BILLY JEAN!
-the audience participation bits where 55 grillion people sing along in perfect unison.
- annie are you ok, so annie are you ok, are you ok annie, annie are you ok, so annie are you ok, are you ok annie, ANNIE ARE YOU OK ARE YOU OK ANNIE!
- michael jackson exiting the stage via rocket pack.
saturday morning cartoon
this is from 1938 which means mickey mouse is older than my mother which means she should respect him more because he is her elder.
glass half full (of PEOPLE!)
jeremy just asked me to join him in a glass of wine. what a fool! there's no way we could fit into a glass of wine together! we'd be much more comfortable in our own glasses! though it would be nice to be side by side so if i had something important to tell him i could just mime across the handy see through walls.
giddy up
this is from a poll on the toronto zoo website and i can understand the jellyfish and the sting ray but the seahorse?! is this a joke?! are they like the control group of this research study?!
maybe they're going to ask the people who choose seahorse to come in for psychological testing because only truly crazy people would think seahorses are freaky.
i mean, there's some unquestionably odd things about them, absolutely. like they have binocular vision and they change colour every morning and the male seahorses get pregnant and give birth which is kind of odd, but arnold schwarzenegger got pregnant in 'junior' and no one put him in a freaky zoo poll.
forecast
according to the little weather updater thing on my laptop's desktop, it's going to be a full creepy moon tonight with 100% chance of werewolves.
shakespeare characters that are fun names to call people when you're arguing with them, or just for kicks as terms of endearment
mustardseed dick the butcher
philip falconbridge
old gobbo
hugh oatcake
macduff
lady macduff
peter of pomfret
dr pinch
ross
sir toby belch
philip falconbridge
old gobbo
hugh oatcake
macduff
lady macduff
peter of pomfret
dr pinch
ross
sir toby belch
peggy sue gets married. jenn cairns also.
two points of note about this wedding rsvp card
point number one: i did not know what a 'capon' was so i looked it up and found out that it is a rooster whose reproductive organs have been removed at a young age. roosters have reproductive organs?!? for what?! don't eggs come in baskets and cartons and by easter bunny delivery when they're of the chocolate variety?!
point number two: the last options on the card are 'vegetarian' and 'child' which both seem barbaric meal choices for a matrimonial celebration. one vegetarian please, medium well! ah, but who am i to judge. i am just so happy to be invited. bon appetit!
workin' day and night
i wish michael jackson worked in my office. we'd have the world's best time collating business documents and moonwalking to the scanner.
letters
dear ants, i try really hard not to step on you on the way home but could you help me out a bit and pick a direction? i go left, you go left. i go right, you go right. i can only try to avoid you to a point until i look as though i'm doing the sidewalk foxtrot with an invisible partner.
also, that song 'the ants go marching two by two hurrah hurrah' where does that originate because i only ever see you alone or in teams of a hundred and fifty. and you don't really march per se, more dart about in a completely irrational fashion.
anyways i hope you know i do like you, and i think the houses you make are pretty impressive given your building material restrictions. i just hope in the future you can try to be as considerate of me as i attempt to be of you.
do you need a crosswalk? would that help?
from,
jenn robeson
cindy lou says 'i do'.
when cindy lou who gets married she should strongly consider keeping her maiden name cause cindy lou jones just wouldn't cut the mustard.
blackout
jeremy and i like to not use lights at home sometimes, partly to conserve energy and partly cause both of us really want to be pilgrims.
today's special
have you ever heard that rule where if there’s one worm hole in your apple then the worm is still in there but if there are two worm holes than the worm found his way out?
well i was thinking about that today and it doesn’t really make sense cause maybe some worms just like having two entrances, like a front door and a back door.
well i was thinking about that today and it doesn’t really make sense cause maybe some worms just like having two entrances, like a front door and a back door.
over the hill
my couch cushion is suffering from male pattern baldness.i try to comfort it best i can by reminding it it's still young for a couch cushion and that it has lots of couch cushion years ahead and that there are many other (older) couch cushions who go on to do wonderful things with their couch cushion lives but honestly, it still seems a bit depressed.
maybe i'll buy it a sports car and set it up with a hot young throw pillow.
jeremy's velociraptor impression
isn't it uncanny?i had to ask him to trim his one really long toenail because the similarities were just getting out of hand.
really cute danger sign
but maybe danger signs shouldn't be cute?i went rather close up to the danger to get this photograph so maybe not.
how to: fish for pickles
step one: make a rod out of a chopstick and some stringstep two: tie a hook to the end of the string using a paper clip or a twist tie
step three: cast your line into the pickle jar
step four: wait for a bite
shock me tuesdays
it is illegal in florida to wear a hat that scares children.you know what hats scare me? those ones that people bought when the BAT roller coaster first came out with the flaps on the back. EEK!
maybe that law isn't so bad.
also, in california you can't eat oranges in the bathtub which is funny when you think about how sad and hilarious you'd look while getting arrested.
fun with food
the piece of bread i wanted to toast this morning for breakfast looked an awful lot like a baseball mitt.
naturally, i made a baseball out of peanut butter and played catch for a few minutes until i ate both pieces of sports equipment.
today's special
i wonder if spiders get upset when you ruin their webs or if they're like 'out with the old and in with the new!'
maybe they actually hate it when they're stuck with the same web for a really long time which is why they always make them in very visible places so we (the people) see them and ruin them and they can get on with building a new and improved web.
maybe they actually hate it when they're stuck with the same web for a really long time which is why they always make them in very visible places so we (the people) see them and ruin them and they can get on with building a new and improved web.
how i know the bird at the pet store was in love with me
1. when he first saw me, he bobbed his head up and down many times in a row appearing rather silly as one often does when it's in love. 2. he flashed me his fancy red armpits.
3. when jeremy came over to him, he tried to bite him several times proving what i've surmised all along; bird love is a jealous kind of love.
4. he offered to share his food with me by partially chewing it then spitting it in my direction.
today's special
i wonder if ricky martin's song 'shake your bon bon' was actually about dancing around with german beans.
eat your veggies (or play cards with them)
last night jeremy taught me how to play 'bohnanza', a card game whose objective it is to harvest and sell your cards which are made up of different types of beans*, (or 'bohnes' in german. get it?! BOHNanza?!).
it's a very fun game that isn't that hard to learn but becomes more and more strategic the better you get at it and the more skilled you become at bargaining a trade (or intimidating your opponent into submission**).
plus, the next time you're out with friends you can talk about how you're now a very successful bean farmer which is really impressive when they don't know you're talking about a card game.
* jeremy says the 'garden bean' pictured above, looks exactly like me with my game face on.
** i am in no way suggesting that swinging your fist around in a suggestive manner or baring your teeth like an angry gorilla are successful trade negotiation strategies. these are just things that seem to work well for me.
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