box of chocolates

how do i pick a favourite? i can't. 

the truffles on the left, with their hint of chili spice, the chocolatier told jeremy you must hold them in your mouth for 20 seconds before you bite down. a delightfully impossible suggestion, i never made it past 5.

i thought the s's stood for sorrell, our own chocolate! monogrammed! that's better than housecoats or hand towels or small sheets of stationary with gold embossed corners. they were salted caramels and the s stood for salted or scrumptious or splendidly super sweets. 

i liked the violins, (the music they made could be tasted, not heard), the almond clusters, (crunchy, dark, delectable) and the perfectly polished round bavarian beer ball. how do they polish a chocolate, do you suppose? with tiny cloths and gold dusting and just the right exposure to sugar and sun.

couples

remember when we were hanging out in the parking lot?

last sunday, after brunch?

we watched the cars pull up to check and see if the store was open,

(which it wasn't)

and started towards the trail that opens at the south end of the lot.

we counted the new buds

(there were many)

and felt the rain drops

(just a few)

then headed home in pairs,

(you with your man, me with mine).

the mini manufacture of things handmade

hunting and gathering

i got up in the middle of the night to check and see if there were easter eggs hidden around the apartment. do you believe that? you probably do. i regularly sleep with one eye open hoping to catch something fantastical in the act.

we had mel and alan over for brunch and because we're odd and enjoy strange activities we made them an easter egg hunt complete with a handwoven basket jeremy made with long strips from old magazines.

they found most of them but left a few which we'll leave out until we pass them by and think, boy, i could really use a chocolate.

it's spring, let's go for a stroll.

holy shit, i love you.

i am always learning things about love. friend love, family love, love for inanimate objects that i assign human emotions to, (i love you rock collection, and i know you love me back), and romantic/partnership/marriage love. this love is very interesting because it does not stay the same, as no great loves ever should, but changes and grows and continues in a forward motion, seemingly, of its own accord.

my love for jeremy does not stay the same. there are attributes, to be sure, that are consistent and foundational to our relationship, (trust, respect, kindness, care), but there are always new elements that we are adding and removing like our love is a thing we both nurture. it can be said, perhaps, that we're in a polygamous relationship with love. a threeway with love. we have an open love relationship. 

it's impossible, (though i try!) to be deliriously happy every second of the day, you need some time in there to brush your teeth and put on pants. i will admit though that i can never get far without being struck with such an immense love for jeremy and the life we share together, that i believe myself to be the absolute luckiest person alive. 

holy shit, eh? love.

luna

we just can't get enough of the moon lately, it's been absolutely spectacular. from our kitchen window, where these shots were taken, we can watch her graceful ascendance over the horizon and upwards until she hangs there, regal and assured.

looking through our binoculars we can clearly see the many ridges and valleys on her stony grey surface and this level of detail, crystal clear through my magnifying lenses, reminds me just how close our rocky satellite is. an arms length, really, if we all stretched and believed we could reach it.

you aren't alone, oh marvelous moon! i send you greetings and glad tidings and compliments on your spherical splendour.

letter writing love

so i did it! one month of daily letter writing including even on the weekends! i'll be honest and share it was sometimes an effort to sit and think of what to say with pen and paper, but i was never sorry i did. and i grew into my own letter writing 'style' by the end, (little missives, lots of doodles), so that's another big plus.

i got some great responses, some unsolicited notes and a beautiful doodle of two manatees in love. mel drew me donuts. mojgan sent me cake. it was by all accounts, a raging success. and so i suppose i'll keep it up, this beautiful ceremony of sitting and thinking and using my own steam to propel my hand across the page with the thoughts i think, to send to you.

 ain't nothing more worthy of my time.

sunshine swimming

if you love something, set it free. especially if it gnaws a hole through the screen to get out.

remember the rats? our small rodent friends who live with us? they cut a hole through the screen window in an escape attempt while enjoying some free range time in the art room. after being gone for some undetermined time, (we were in the livingroom, watching a nature documentary) they scurried back inside, single file. i caught the last one coming through as i stuck my head in to see what the heck they were on about and wouldn't you know, the other two were already nestled in their terra cotta pot, fast asleep.

they must have engaged in some sort of strenuous activity while on the lam. like bank robbery or speed walking with tiny rat-sized nordic poles.

mornings and muffins

i get up early because i can hardly wait to start the day. every day is like that. i mean that's probably a small stretch of the truth some days it is tempting to stay warmly cocooned in bed, under blankets and beside my love, but most days i am so excited to wake up and start doing stuff.

a day! a whole new one! with eating and drinking and learning and moving and seeing and hearing!

lucky, lucky me.

driving (scientists in love)

whenever we have to drive somewhere and we're on a highway especially, jeremy and i are often in complete silence. maybe that's surprising, given the true nature of yours truly, but we are very good at long and comfortably wonderful periods of absolute quiet. usually we're both counting hawks so sometimes they'll be the silent communication of pointing and averting our gaze. look there. look up. we can tell the difference between a vulture and a hawk in the air and i don't think that was always the case? we're two scientists in love on the road of life. there's just no stopping us.

march missive

remember how we thought it was summer? we had to sleep with the fan on one day last week, with our legs swung languidly outside the covers. it was too soon though, which we knew it had to be, so now we're back where we started and i'm wearing a hat and scarf to blog.

i had some blood work done at the doctors. just some standard testing to make sure i'm getting enough nutrients not eating mammals and sure enough, my iron is low. i've actually had this problem before when i was young so it's not that surprising nor is it really anything to worry about i just have to eat more leafy greens and source an animal free iron supplement. time to call the naturopath! as i'm reading about iron deficiencies i'm finding common phrases like 'low energy' and 'chronic fatigue'. if this is me in slow motion, what will i be like when my levels are up to snuff? i can just see it now, jeremy replacing my supplements with placebos so he can get some rest. BUT I FEEL GREAT SWEETIE WEEEEE! *hanging from the rafters* *doing chin-ups*

yesterday something wonderful happened. while i was walking home from work a large, drooling dog was startled by my presence and proceeded to aggressively snarl at me. because he was not on a leash and because i have a history of emotion about unleashed dogs, i felt immediately infuriated. in an instant i was completely armed and ready to have it out with this dogs owner. how dare you let your dog run off leash when you don't have control over it. how dare you disrespect my personal space and right to enjoy this trail, unaccosted by your large and aggressive unleashed animal. but i didn't say any of those things. i didn't say any of those things because i realized in saying them i would only be hurting myself. i would get mad and they would get mad back and i would be yelling and they would be yelling and i would walk away feeling angry. all that anger and yelling would take me away from the present moment to a place where i would be consumed with negative emotion and belittled by my own choice to lash out and so instead, i just let the anger go. i am not an animal. i am in control of my emotions. om.

i just saw a hawk outside the window. isn't that a neat thing about where i live? that hawks often swoop by? and not in the distant horizon either, i could see this guy's underbelly. it was white with red flecks.

xo

paintings

past and present (and morning macaroons)

i met my new friend michelle for a saturday morning date. michelle is betrothed to stuart, who i've spoken of before, and recently the four of us have come to really enjoy one another's company.

today though, was the very first day just us ladies took some time to spend together.

it's a funny day that's grey and follows a string of sunny ones but somehow, bundled up in our jackets, walking faceward into the wind, it made the day more cozy. more intimate. more conducive to spending over an hour sifting through drawers upon drawers of old photographs in a vintage shop.

we also tried on hats. and shoes. and talked about weddings, (hers upcoming, mine in loving hindsight), over macaroons and hot drinks in tall cups. it was delightful.

and now i have these treasures, these photos i selected while in each others' company, to remind me of our date and the beautiful spring bud of new friendships.

a survey of sounds

hitting the keys (tap tap space tap)
the don valley parkway (a constant, low din)
my breath, slow and intentional
the quiet noise my hair makes when i wiggle my ears against it (barely audible)
the computer hard drive
a motorcycle (buzzing, high pitch, far off)
my bare feet on the leather hippo, stretching, touching
a helicopter (mechanical dragonfly)
the neighbour's door in the hall

(thinking makes no observable noise)

two-year-olds are really easy to write to

today's letter is to madelyn and so i drew her a whale because a picture speaks a thousand words and also because i like drawing whales. who doesn't like drawing whales? crazy people only. and people who are afraid of whales.

i am wearing a sundress

i am wearing a sundress and i am not wearing socks and before i went to work this morning i put sunscreen on my face.

IT IS MARCH.

IT IS TWENTY DEGREES OUTSIDE.

LATER WE ARE HAVING A PICNIC WITH BEERS AND CHICKEN THAT COMES IN A BUCKET.

i know it happens every year and i know the earth has been revolving around the sun in the pattern of seasons for quite some time now but for me, every spring is the first spring. every spring is the spring you never thought would come. every spring is the sweetest, most alluring, most seductive in its budding, its waking, its rejoicing flora and fauna.

my shoulders are so happy to be bare.

afternoon arts and sciences

dimanche

sometimes i think if spring was any more wonderful, everyone's heads would just pop off. who needs them anyway? they're heavy and always thinking about stuff.

things i'm into (march)

mindfulness meditation.

the civil wars, in particular this song. and this song.

jeremy.

reading the dictionary.

ballet with jessica.

yoga with jessica.

jessica.

walking long distances.

jogging short distances.

backyard wildlife monitoring.

letter writing.

letter reading.

spring.

letters (and doodles) for change

today's letter was to starbucks.

yes, i hand wrote a letter to (and drew a picture for!) the international coffee conglomerate. i addressed it 'dear starbucks' and signed it 'sincerely, jennifer sorrell' and advocated for the in-store promotion of using mugs and plates instead of paper cups and bags for customers who are enjoying their indulgences to-stay.

it's a start, right? change begins with the little guy?

i suggested if they did decide to institute my fabulous idea that i be given a lifetime supply of ginger-molasses cookies because those are my favourite. i would eat them all on a plate.

gifts marrieds give

despite a brief period when we got a kick out of addressing each other as 'husband' and 'wife', jeremy and i don't regularly consider the official status of our relationship.

but when i do and it's in the context of something he's done, some little thing that's just so simple and sweet, i'll think how glad i am to be a union, officially.

the other day he bought me some strawberry jam. he hid it in the cupboard and dressed it up as a surprise.

all the rainy walk home today i thought about how perfectly my surprise strawberry jam would taste on my peanut butter toast, then i laughed and thought, these are the gifts that marrieds give.

i love you, jeremy! husband! mister sorrell! my after work snack was especially satisfying. it tasted like love and strawberries.

you, through the eyes of someone else.

mel took these photos. the first is from yesterday when we were walking together in the beaches and jeremy and i had our arms around each other and the second was from earlier today when i took a stroll and sat down, briefly, to watch for movement in the cattails.


two stolen moments - one in union, one in solitude - both captured objectively, (but ever so subtly subjectively) by someone who sees me, really seems me, every day.